you know what? trying to lose weight while planning a wedding - not such a good thing. i mean, some people, when they are stressed lose their appetite. in the cramer family, when you get stressed, you EAT.

good thing my dress fits perfectly right now. otherwise i'd be stressing more than i am.

regardless, in 32 days, i can sit back and enjoy food. until then, it's low cal, low carbs for this b.

good lord! today has been so chaotic.

it started with grumpil stiltskin not getting to watch his friggin saved by the bell before work. if you don't believe me, check out his blog. you'd think he didn't have a JOB with all of the blogging he's done, today.

then, a state representitive showed up with questions galore.

i seriously need a xanax.

i am sick.

i hate being sick.

sick sucks.

sick super sucks when you can't breathe out of your nose. and when you cough like you're tb stricken.

AND. i have no PTO to use because i need to save it for the wedding.

yucky.

luckily, i have a fiance who takes care of me.

unfortunately, he's sick, too. who's going to take care of me, now? oliver?!?!?!

and, we're back.

what an incredible show. it was the BEST i have ever been to. opened with 41...two step with jeff coffin and futureman...oh my. words can't express the amazing show we had.

you'll be happy to know that i am almost over my rage.

there may have been a little bit of a blow-up on monday night - but i am over it. i need to remember what is behind this wedding and that is how much i love john and want to spend the rest of my life with him. although, i have to admit that it's very interesting to hear different people's opinions regarding the situation. from this point on, i am not going to discuss it - i am just going to enjoy the next few weeks. i know they are going to pass very quick and i want to savor as much as i can.

can you believe there are only 6 weeks until the wedding? 5 until we leave for dallas. and 2 days until we leave for our stress relief weekend in nashville. i cannot wait to see gina and tonya. i really could use some girl time right about now.

have you ever felt like you can't do anything right?

i was verbally attacked by my future sister-in-law this morning and i have never felt so much hate from someone i considered to be a friend.

the girl who never thanked me for helping her to do EVERYTHING for her wedding.

the girl whose side i ran to when she had been sexually assaulted.

has accused me of being controlling and manipulative. she also told me that no one in john's family likes me because all i do is talk about my rich ass wedding - which is so incredibly far from the truth. regardless, i have never felt so disgusted in my life. someone whom i have gone above and beyond for and supported no matter if i agreed or didn't agree with what she was doing. someone whom i consider to be family. i guess that just proves that you can't trust many people in life.

but, i would like to thank h and gm for listening to my hysterics this afternoon. i am so lucky to have such an incredible group of friends that i can run to (or call.) when i need guidance. thanks, girls.

attack of bridezilla, part 1.

last night, we went up to the jones store to find me something to wear to rick & kirsten's wedding, this weekend. when it came time to pay for the dress, the conversation went a little like this:

"don't you have something that looks exactly like this? like the dress you wore to sara's rehearsal dinner?"

"it doesn't fit."

"how the HELL could it not fit?"

so, i stormed out of the department and walked home. which was only a half mile, but still. he completely mortified me in front of the few people that were standing around. and the thing is, i am sensitive enough about my weight. the last thing i needed was THAT to push me over the edge.

don't worry, he's repented for his sins. however, for all you boys (all two of you) who read this, don't ever make a spectacle about your significant others weight.

ok, i admit it.

i am OBSESSED with the new john mayer cd.

why is it that everytime i go to costco i end up spending $100??? ugh. i need to stop going there as much as i have been, lately.

everything adds up, i guess. from toilet paper to frozen chicken breasts...i get so much there. john's not as into it, though. he prefers to stay home and watch football.

can you believe that?

is it so awful that i actually find myself singing "bigger than my body"?

i just don't get the song. and the video? whatever.

but there will always be a place in my heart for john mayer. it may be freckle sized, but i still love him. as a musician, that is. in real life, there's only one john for me.

it feels SO good to be home.

don't get me wrong, the weekend was fun - it was just soooo stressful.

the bridal shower was fun. a lot better than i'd anticipated. heather gave me the cutest gift, ever. it's a bridal survival kit. so creative and so personal. i absolutely adore it.

hmmm... what else? michael calls everyone "mean-i-ac", oliver went for his first swim, i yelled at everyone, john called me bridezilla, and i ate like a heffer.

yup, that's about all.