the past few days have been really difficult for me. dealing with elise and marcus' breakup has been harder on me than i expected, for two reasons.

number one. this is the first time in my life where something drastic has happened to one of my friends and i haven't been there to spend time with them. elise flew home last weekend and has been hanging out with mel. it makes me feel better to know that mel is there for her but at the same time, i feel like there's so much more that i could be doing for her. we talk daily, and everytime i talk to her she sounds better and better by the phone call. i am still in shock and i wish there was something i could do to make things easier on her.

the second is that i am so afraid that the same thing will happen to me. that after time goes by maybe john will realise that he doesn't want to be with me. i guess it's probably natural to feel this way, seeing as though one of my very best friends is going through it but, john assures me that i have nothing to worry about. its just fucking scary. after four years you'd think you know someone. i guess sometimes you don't.

regardles, she's coming here next weekend to spend sometime with me ad john. it should be fun. :)