i finished jemima j in 2 days.

what is jemima j? its this book about an overweight girl who meets a guy over the internet. she totally lies to him about herself. job. looks. clothing...EVERYTHING. now, i am not saying that i can relate to all of this but, some of it may be a wee bit familiar.

shit, i think about how i looked 3 years ago. 265 lbs, no confidence, low self esteem. its sad. i know i talk about my weight a lot and i know it is SO boring but this is my blog. so deal. if you don't wanna hear about fat shayna, please close your browser now. thanks.

when i was heavier, no one gave me the time of day. girls, guys, NO one. it was pathetic. sure i had friends but i would always get weird looks. i never saw myself as being fat though. my nana would always ask me to go on a diet or try to lose weight but i was too stubborn. i thought i looked fine the way i was. unfortunately, i was incorrect. one day i just decided i was gonna do it. there was no reason for me to be shopping at lane bryant at 21 years old. i should be shopping at gap and banana like the rest of my friends. i wanted to be thin. i wanted to be "picked up on" when i went out by someone who was not 35 with missing teeth. i lost about 30 lbs in the first 4 months. i could tell right away in my clothes but when i looked in the mirror, i saw the same old shayna. fat, huge and disgusting. a few months later my total was up to about 65 lbs lost. my friends talked me into going out with them to this swanky bar. so i go. i get all decked out. new outfit and everything. i felt good. i had confidence. it was a great feeling.

we get to the bar and all these people i had known in high school were there. no one knew who i was. it was great. finally this one guy came up to me and started hitting on ME. me. shayna. the fat cow. :) it was great. that night gave me more confidence then i think i have ever felt in my life. i ended up making out with this guy. it was rad. mostly because i had never really had a random hook up in the past. i mean yeah, there were guys but...this guy was sober, and cool.

a few weeks later i got the pictures back from that night. i looked at the pics in amazement. i could not believe how i looked. it didn't even LOOK like me. i think that was one of the best feelings ever.

i believe that beauty comes from within but i also believe that you can't love until you love yourself. i am almost there. ALMOST.

so jemima j...good and easy read. good plot. cheesy ending.